Steve's Sacrifice
by NorthernStar
Summary: Sequel to "Jesse's Journey." **Third story 'Fractures' now up.** Steve's birthday approaches, but Jesse is distracted by his father's visit.
1. One - Meeting

Disclaimer: Viacom owns them, not me. No copyright infringement is intended.

Title: Meeting

Series: First in the "Steve's Sacrifice" arc of stories. 

Pairing: Jesse/Steve, established relationship.

Rating: PG-13 (Mild homosexual content)

Summary: Steve ponders whether to take his and Jesse's relationship to the next level.

Notes: This is the sequel to Jesse's Journey and picks up the story approximately six months later. Reading the first arc is not essential, however.

****

Steve's Sacrifice I

Meeting

By NorthernStar

Steve rolled onto his side and admired the smooth, firm back next to him. He smiled, watching Jesse's ribcage rise and fall with even breaths. A finger traced the small indent of his spine, all the way down to the curve of his buttocks.

The body in front of him wiggled, but didn't waken.

Steve replaced his finger with his lips, kissing slowly downwards. When he got the little dimples at the base of Jesse's spine, he tongued them lightly. The younger man was just irresistible, especially when he was annoyed at being woken early for a quickie before work. 

His lips strayed lower; deciding it would be a crime to waste Jesse's morning erection. Steve was a very law-abiding citizen.

"Don't even think about it!" 

Steve's fun was abruptly spoiled. "You're awake."

"A good thing too."

Jesse turned, and Steve saw a feral glint in his eye that had nothing to do with annoyance. He kissed Steve fiercely, biting almost painfully.

They were both getting thoroughly involved when the alarm rudely interrupted. Jesse flopped back groaning as Steve reached back to hit the off button, before flinging back the covers to get out.

"Why did you buy that thing?"

The doctor shrugged, "same reason you set it last night. My boss is cranky if I'm late."

Steve stood up, "that's my dad you're bad mouthing."

Jesse slapped him on the stomach as he flew past him, beating him to the shower, but consoling him with a nice view of his backside bobbing about. Steve briefly considered joining him, but they really didn't have time for anything other than a quick wash, and the apartment's on again off again heating system really couldn't provide enough hot water for more than that.

Instead, he headed for the tiny kitchen unit and began to make toast and coffee. He was munching on his second slice when Jesse emerged from the bathroom, dripping wet and immodestly covered with a towel.

Steve settled for kissing the young man's lips when his body was telling him to ravish Jesse right then and there on whatever surface they reached first, be it the floor or the kitchen table.

"Toast?" He asked, holding out a plate.

"Thanks."

He left Jesse munching happily away and went into the bathroom to grab the quickest shower he could manage. When he came out, he found Jesse standing stark naked with his head in the closet, rummaging about. Clothes were strewn over everything, the bed, the chair, the floor…

"Jess?"

"This is such a cliché…" The young man sighed. "But I have nothing to wear."

Steve eyed the discarded shirts and jeans.

Jesse frowned. "To work." He clarified. "These are too casual and everything else is at yours."

Steve smiled, "you do practically live there."

"Yeah, I…ah-ha!" Jesse held up a pair of trousers and pulled out the shirt underneath. He flashed a victory grin at Steve.

The detective was too deep in thought, started by his own words. You do practically live there… Not that Jesse noticed; he was too busy hunting up the iron to press his discoveries. Steve's innocent comment brought him a new perspective and unbidden thoughts were following.

And, God, it just felt _right_…

Jesse dressed in double quick time, oblivious to his lover's sudden quietness. He kissed Steve on the top of the head, said a hurried goodbye and raced out the door.

Steve carried on thinking.

********

Jesse brought his convertible to a stop at the red lights and used the time to reach over to the CD player. He ejected the hideous noise Steve had popped in there the day before and replaced it with something mellower.

A loud squeal of brakes pierced the air, followed by a metallic crunching. Jesse's head snapped up and he saw two cars melded together in the centre of the intersection.

Grabbing his bag from the behind the seat, he flung open the door and raced over to the wreckage.

The driver of the nearest car was unconscious, bleeding profusely from the back of his skull. Jesse was about to begin checking for less obvious injuries when a blonde woman pushed in beside him. 

"I'm a nurse!" She said quickly.

"Doctor." He replied and she nodded, deferring to him. "I don't think he's got internal injuries. Stay with him; try to get him conscious. I'll check the other driver."

She nodded crisply and he hurried to the next car. 

Two by-standers where trying to open the doors. Jesse put down his bag and touched one of the helpers on the arm. "Keep everyone back. And look out for the ambulance, OK?"

The man nodded and began urging people back to their cars.

Jesse added his weight to the battle of the passenger side door, almost falling on his backside when the twisted metal gave. He crawled into the car and saw something that made his heart lunch sickeningly.

The woman was very pregnant.

He reached out to her neck, pressed down with his fingers. A thready pulse answered him and he quickly checked her airways. They were unblocked and her breathing was even.

Then he pulled a stethoscope from his bag and eased it onto her belly.

Nothing…

__

Don't worry… 

He moved the stethoscope to the other side of her considerable bump.

Still nothing…

"Come on, sweetie, don't be shy." He murmured and moved lower.

Horses hooves greeted him and he smiled. He didn't carry a proper foetal monitor, but that sounded well into the one thirties. A perfectly normal infant heart rate. Jesse checked the old fashioned way, counting for 15 seconds and multiplying just to be sure.

"Your baby's doing fine." He told the unconscious woman, "I'm just going to check you now, OK?"

He kept up a constant stream of chatter as he worked, explaining in hushed tones what he was doing and why. Jesse had once had a patient confirm that hearing was the last sense left during unconsciousness. They had got better solely to have the satisfaction of telling him to shut up.

His fingers brushed a damp patch on her leg. When he checked his hand, he saw bright red femoral blood slicked across his palm. "Damn!" He swore and pulled a tornique from his bag. 

"Can I help?" Came a woman's voice beside him.

"Get the scissors and cut through the safety belt." Jesse ordered, glancing up briefly at the nurse. "The other guy?"

"Conscious. And out of the car." She replied, starting to work on the tough fabric. "I think his ankle's broken, but other than that and concussion, he's fine."

The belt came loose and the nurse cleared the obstruction from her chest and lap.

"Here," he tossed her his stethoscope. "Check the baby." And he went back to the haemorrhage he was trying to halt.

The nurse listened, moving around the woman's' bump. "I think it's OK."

"Not if I can't stop the bleeding." He grabbed her hand, placed it on the woman's leg. "Press down!"

He pulled sterile gauze out of his medical kit and pressed it against the bleed. The nurse moved her fingers to accommodate.

Jesse felt wetness on thigh and looked down. "Damn!"

"What?"

"Her waters have broken." He stared at the darkened fluid. "That's meconium. The baby's in distress." And he began feeling the woman's bump. "No contractions yet." 

Jesse snatched the stethoscope back and checked the baby's heart. He couldn't hear any change in the horse's hooves, but then he wasn't an OB/GYN.

A wail of ambulances cried in the distance and Jesse allowed himself to feel a shadow of relief. He touched the woman's check and met the nurse's eyes, seeing his own relief reflected in hers. "It's OK, the cavalry's on the way."

********

Steve was half way through a large pizza when his father stepped out onto the decking. Mark looked exhausted, having worked half the night. He was carrying a cup of cocoa in his hand and when he sat down opposite his son, he peered critically at the greasy food on offer.

"Join me?" Steve said, waving an oily hand in invitation.

Mark immediately declined. He would never understand how his son, his own flesh and blood, his very DNA, didn't inherit more exotic tastes in food. Thank God for Jesse and Amanda…

"I had almost forgotten that you lived here." Mark said, sipping his drink.

He hadn't seen Steve in the house for the last week or so; he was staying over at Jesse's while the doctor was working the early morning shift to maximise their time together.

Steve smiled faintly and popped a pizza crust into his mouth. He chewed thoughtfully. "Actually, Dad, I've been thinking about that." He looked at his father. "Something Jesse said… How would you feel if Jesse moved in here?"

Mark frowned, unsurprised. In truth, he'd expected this sort of question to have come long ago, and it probably would have, had Jesse not been reserved about his sexuality. Something Mark approved of whole-heartedly, in Steve's blinkered, bigoted profession, it was just what he needed in a partner.

"You know I'd be delighted, Steve. I'm very fond of Jesse."

Steve frowned, knowing his father too well. "But?"

Mark sighed. "I'm concerned about you." He admitted. "If Jesse's here, how will that look from the outside? To your colleagues?"

"It's none of their business." 

"I agree."

Steve knew, though, that his father had a very valid point. And he would have been stupid not to consider it, and he had. Life was dangerous enough being a cop, without your colleagues not backing you up because of their ugly prejudices. "Dad, I think most people would assume Jesse was here, temporarily, as your friend. He's stayed over before. My captain, everyone at the precinct… they see Jess more with you than they do with me. And it's a big house." He looked at his father. "I'm willing to except the small risk, if it means sharing my life with the man I love."

Mark nodded. "I know. And I'm happy for you, son." 

But in his heart he wondered whether Jesse was just as willing.

******

Jesse followed the woman's stretcher out of the ambulance, running at one side with the blonde nurse at the other. They rushed through the ER doors, and Jesse immediately began barking orders.

"Trauma three." He snapped at the staff. "Type and cross, four units, whole blood, packed cells, Ringers and prep her for an immediate C-section."

The nurse looked expectant at him. "Can I help?"

Jesse looked up from scribbling on the woman's notes. "We've got it covered. You can go home or…"

"Work?" She smiled, and Jesse realised she had a pretty face, and a pretty smile. "Actually, I…um…I work here. In the ER. It's my first day."

Jesse frowned, thinking. "Hilliard…Your Nurse Hilliard?"

The smile widened. "Susan." And she held out her hand to shake.

Jesse took it, smiling. "Jesse…Travis."

******

A nurse was tending the latest rape victim when Steve and Bayder entered the little hospital room. The woman in the bed, Karen Jennings, flinched at their arrival, staring at them as if the pair were sent by the devil himself. Her face and hands were badly burned. She was lucky to have survived. The previous two had not.

"I don't wanna talk!" She gasped all but shrinking back behind the nurse.

Bayder stepped closer. "I'm sorry, but we-"

"NO!" She cried out. "Go, please!"

"Ma'am, we know you've been through-" Began Steve.

Karen grasped the nurse's wrist. "Make them go away." She pleaded. "I can't…please?"

The nurse straightened up, standing in front of them. "I think you'd better leave."

Steve bristled. "Look, I'm Steve Sloan…"

"I don't care who you are. You're upsetting my patient!" She snapped. "The lady wants you to leave. And now I want you to leave!"

Steve glanced at the name badge on her chest, frowning. "Ah…Miss Hilliard, this is a police investigation-"

"And in case you haven't noticed, this is not a police precinct. Go and investigate there."

Bayder sighed. "Miss Jennings has information vital to our investigation. It's imperative we hear it."

"I'm sure, after a night's rest, she'll be ready to talk tomorrow. Until then, I'm asking you to leave."

Neither Steve nor Bayder moved a muscle.

The nurse crossed her arms. "Come on, guys, don't make me call security."

The detectives sighed, but left the room. 

Outside, Bayder all but growled with frustration. "Great. Our best witness and she's flaky!"

"No," Steve replied, also frustrated but hiding it better. "I guess she's got a right to be scared after what she went through."

Dylan wasn't ready to give up his annoyance just yet. "We don't know what she's been through. She won't tell us."

"You found the first victim. I'm not anxious to hear the details."

Bayder's mouth pressed into a line. "Neither am I. I just wanna put this bastard away."

"Yeah, I know." Steve said, glancing at his watch. "Me too."

Steve turned to leave, knowing Jesse's shift ended in an hour. "I'll see you later." And he began walking towards the doctor's lounge to wait for Jesse.

******

****

Night…

Jesse looked down at the tiny life and smiled. At five weeks early, the little boy stood an excellent chance of survival, even after the abrupt and brutal entrance into the world. His mother was in a serious condition, weakened further by the caesarean, but she was expected to make a full recovery too.

Sometimes there were happy endings.

"Ahhh…."

Jesse turned, found himself impaled on a pair of deep blue eyes. The nurse, Susan, smiled in greeting and bent to get a closer look at the baby they had delivered not four hours ago.

"He's gorgeous." She said.

"Yeah…"

She opened the little door on the incubator and reached in stroke the little boy's hand. "Have you got kids?"

"No."

"He's so tiny. Look at his little fingers."

Jesse smiled. "Yeah…" He watched the wistful expression on her face with amusement. "Have you? Got kids, that is."

She shook her head. "No, and not for a while either." She stood up. "A long while. Too much responsibility. I just like window shopping."

Jesse laughed and turned to go. "I'll leave you two alone then."

"Um, Jesse…?"

"Yeah…"

"If, ah, if you've nothing else planned, we could go for a drink. Sort of a wet the baby's head, welcome to the ER…."

Jesse looked down. "I…I can't, sorry."

"Another time maybe?"

"I don't think so." 

Susan's smile didn't waver, but her eyes gave away her disappointment. "I guess you're seeing someone?"

He shuffled his feet. "Yeah."

"Lucky girl." She said.

"Yeah…Night, Susan."

"Yeah, see you tomorrow."

******

Steve sat in the doctor's lounge, sipping cold coffee and staring into space. In his hand was a small house key, identical to one that hung on his own key-ring, but with the addition of a little ribbon tied into a bow around it.

Steve smiled. Jesse was in for a surprise…

~~~ To be continued in "Steve's Sacrifice 2: Question" ~~~~


	2. Two -Question

Disclaimer: Viacom owns them, not me. No copyright infringement is intended.

Title: Question

Series: Second in the "Steve's Sacrifice" arc of stories.

Pairing: Jesse/Steve, established relationship

Rating: PG-13 (Moderate homosexual content)

Summary: Steve has a question for Jesse… 

****

Steve's Sacrifice II

Question

By NorthernStar

Steve glanced across at the young man dozing in the passenger seat. He didn't look very comfortable, squished against the belt. If they had been in Steve's truck, Jesse would have had more room to spread out, but they were in Jesse's convertible and its manufacturers put speed and good looks before decent leg room.

Steve resisted the temptation to touch his lover. He knew Jesse needed the sleep after an exhausting twelve-hour shift, and Steve didn't want to snatch away the younger man's chance for a nap.

Even if the key in his pocket was steadily burning a hole.

Smiling at his little secret, Steve slowed the car, enjoying the peace and tranquillity of this moment and savouring the excitement thrumming in his chest.

In the past six months his life had been as perfect as it was realistically possible to be. Sure, he and Jesse had experienced a few downs, the odd bump in the road, even a few serious arguments. What couple didn't? And yet, this, he knew, was as good as it got.

Jesse was for keeps.

And the next step was only logical and a long time coming.

The car pulled up outside of Jesse's and Steve gently reached across to nudge the young man awake.

The doctor pouted, but sat up, bleary eyed, and got out of the car. Steve followed suit and walked around to his lover, laying a consoling arm around him.

They walked into the apartment and Jesse flopped down onto the sofa, spread eagle across the cushions.

Steve took in the whole length of his love spread out, legs a little parted. He tossed off his jacket and covered that lithe young body with his own.

He smiled down at Jesse. "Hello."

Jesse opened his eyes, wriggled beneath Steve. "Is that a gun in your pocket or are you just pleased to see me?"

Steve chuckled, knowing he meant the jewellery box he'd hidden the key in. "It's a…surprise…" he murmured, kissing down Jesse's neck. "But I am very pleased to see you."

"Good, because…" Jesse lifted his hips, pressing them against Steve's. "The feelings' mutual."

Steve's hand slipped between their bodies and his fingers deftly open Jesse's trousers. The hard bundle strained against its cotton confinement and Jesse mumbled his satisfaction when Steve's fingers gripped him firmly and eased him free. He made another noise when Steve abandoned his need to strip away the trousers. A moment later, he felt warmth and wetness swallow him, teasing along his hardness.

"I love your idea of surprises." 

Steve chuckled, his tongue circling the morsel in his mouth. "This isn't the surprise, Jess." And went to work, nipping and teasing at his lover.

Jesse gasped, feeling his orgasm approach. Steve sensed it too and pulled back.

"Steve…" He whined, but was quickly silenced by Steve's mouth on his own.

"I want you to make love to me, Jesse…" His lover whispered into the kiss.

Jesse shivered with delight. Requests like that were few and far between from Steve, who preferred to top. 

"I _really_ like your idea of surprises…."

Steve chuckled and dragged him off to bed.

*******

Jesse snuggled into Steve's shoulder, exhausted. Steve looked down at the sweat soaked brow of his lover and smiled. Only with Jesse was anal penetration so wonderful. Steve guessed it was both the depth of his feeling for the young man and the depth of trust he had in him.

"I love you." He whispered into Jesse's hair and reached across to the drawer where he slipped his 'surprise' and took out the box.

"Jess?"

"Mmmm?"

Steve placed the little ring box onto Jesse's tummy and watched it rise and fall in time with his lover's breathing.

"Jesse?" 

The doctor opened his eyes and smiled at Steve. "You're insatiable." He said, and became aware of the slight weight on his stomach. He looked down and a smile flashed wide across his face. Steve bathed in its glory.

"My surprise?" Jesse asked gleefully.

"Your surprise." He confirmed and poked Jesse in the ribs. "And the only insatiable person in this bed is you."

But Jesse was too busy sitting up, holding his surprise with childish excitement. "I really, _really_ love your idea of surprises!"

Steve smiled, enjoying the sight of Jesse looking like a little boy on Christmas day. If he had known before, the joy that a small present would bring Jesse, he would have done this long ago.

Jesse opened the little box, looked in…and paused.

Steve guessed that a ribbon around a key was something of a non-sequitur, especially one in a ring box.

"A key?"

Steve smiled. "To my house."

"But I always walk straight in the back. Everyone does."

"Yeah, and now you can come in the front. It makes my house…our house." He looked at his lover, meeting his eyes. "I want you to move in with me, Jess."

Jesse turned the key in his fingers, staring at it, then turned his gaze onto Steve. "I can't believe you did this without talking to me first."

Annoyed, Steve's voice deepened. "It's just a key."

"It's not just a key, Steve." He sighed. "We're in this relationship together. We make plans _together_. This is…" He handed the key back. "This is a big thing. You should've talked to me."

"We can talk now." Steve pointed out. "Jess, you practically live at my house anyway. I don't see there's much difference." 

"There's every difference, and no, we can't talk now." Jesse lay back down, pulling the duvet over him. "Not when I'm tired and…"

"Angry?"

"No…I don't wanna say something I don't mean because I'm exhausted. Let's just go to bed." He stared at the ceiling. "You know, I really _hate_ your idea of surprises."

Steve settled back as well, aware that Jesse immediately rolled onto his side, facing away from Steve.

*******

****

Morning…

Jesse slipped out long before the alarm went off, careful not to wake Steve. He didn't like leaving things left unsaid, but they really didn't have the time to discuss the matter over breakfast. And he didn't want to start something they couldn't finish.

The drive to work was on deserted, dark roads and the silence helped sort his thoughts.

Jesse hadn't really considered the future before. There was just the now, with Steve, and the now-with-Steve was pretty good.

But their _future_…

Jesse's hands tightened around the steering wheel. The future was supposed to be marriage, kids, grandchildren… Things he did want out of life, eventually.

All of which was impossible with Steve.

And yet, he was in for the long haul. Their relationship was one of the best he'd ever had.

But moving in…

It really was something they should have talked about. He felt he had every right to be angry.

Dawn was just breaking when he parked at Community General. On his way in, he saw the pretty nurse from yesterday, Susan.

She smiled when she recognised him, holding the door open. "Hi," she said.

"Hey." He glanced at his watch. "You're early."

"So are you." She replied. "I wanted to make a good impression on the boss, and I wanted to see how our little boy was doing."

Jesse smiled at the mention of the baby they'd delivered by emergency C-section the previous day. "I've seen your work, you don't need to come in early to impress anyone. You're a good nurse." He noted the blush on her cheeks with pleasure and couldn't stop himself from glancing at his watch again. "You know, I have about fifteen minutes if you don't mind having some company?"

Susan smiled. "I'd love some company."

******

The baby looked even scrawnier than he did the day before and when Jesse looked through his medical notes, he saw the child had lost a little weight. Not too worrying, since all newborns did, but in the case of prem babies, every gram counted.

Jesse enjoyed watching Susan coo over him and the wonderful future he would have. He would walk, and then talk, then go to school, then to college, then get married, then have kids...

It all sounded so simple, but the reality rarely lived up to the imagination.

Certainly his own wasn't.

But did that really make it wrong?

"Jess?" 

He shook off his thought. "Sorry." He forced a smile. "Just give the little guy a break, he's only a day old."

She blushed. "I know. But he's just so…so…_new_." She looked embarrassed. "It's hard not to get excited."

******

The blonde woman was resting when Steve knocked on her hospital room door. Karen Jennings, the latest victim of the Dawson rapist, sat up and invited him in. The fear Steve had seen on her face the day before was still very much in evidence, but it was tempered now with anger.

"I've already talked to one of you." She said, her voice steady. "That other cop, the one who was with you before, and a woman."

"Dylan Bayder and Joyce Tully. I know. I just need to clarify a few points if you feel up to it."

"And if I said I wasn't?"

"Then I'll go."

"And be back tomorrow." She guessed. 

"It is important, Miss Jennings."

She sighed and waved a hand towards the chair. "Take a seat."

Steve thanked her and sat down by the bed. He began to ask her about the Dawson health club she and the other victims had all been members of. It was, so far, the only link between the victims, besides the general similarity in all of their looks. And it wasn't even a very strong link, since there were over one thousand members of the club, the largest in LA.

Halfway through the questioning, the woman started crying. Steve sighed and did his best to comfort her. 

He really wasn't very good at these things.

It was at this inopportune moment that the frustrating nurse from yesterday came in. She shot Steve a look that would have froze fire, hurried over to the bed and gathered the sobbing woman up in her arms.

"I think you'd better leave now." She told Steve over Karen's head, her voice filled with barely concealed anger.

"I still have some questions for Miss Jennings."

"You can come back tomorrow."

"Look, Miss…Hilliard…"

"Susan."

"Susan, this investigation is very important." He tried to keep his tone civil. 

"I'm…I'm alright." Karen managed to say, looking up at Susan. "I want to do this."

Susan relaxed her grip on the woman. "Are you sure?"

Karen blinked back tears and nodded.

The nurse held her hands. "I'll stay with you if you'd like."

A smile appeared. "Thank you."

Steve felt a small glimmer of gratitude towards the nurse and began to question the woman again.

********

It was over an hour later that Steve had finally finished quizzing the distraught woman. In that time his opinion of Susan Hilliard had improved. The nurse had been both understanding an intuitive, knowing when to soothe the woman and when to let Steve push a little. She maintained the balance better than most trained officers did and he was impressed.

When he left the woman's room, he was surprised to see Susan follow him.

"Detective?" She called.

Steve stopped and turned.

The blonde nurse smiled, looking a little nervous. "Look, erm…I know everyone here helps out on investigations a lot and I just wanted to say if there was anything I could do to help…"

"Thank you." He said and meant it. "And you already have. You were very good with her."

She looked doubtful. "I hope so. She needs it."

******

Jesse looked up from his lunch when someone took the seat opposite his. He saw Susan sit down, and begin picking at a tasteless looking salad.

He smiled, "hey. Again." And ground yet more salt onto his chicken.

Susan watched him disapprovingly. "Are you sure you didn't miss the healthy eating classes at med school?"

"I like it like this."

Susan waved one of her carrot sticks at him. "Just don't let your cardiac patients see."

Jesse grinned and took a mouthful of chicken. He swallowed, remembering he had some news for her. "Did you know Ellen Thomason is awake?"

Susan looked blank.

"The woman from the car." He prompted.

"Our C-section?"

He nodded and she immediately dropped her fork with a clatter and jumped to her feet. She grabbed his hand. "Why didn't you say before? We're wasting time."

The nurse was surprisingly strong for such a slight woman and Jesse found himself yanked out of his chair, away from his food.

"What are you doing?"

"We're going to give that woman our congratulations and I'm saving your arteries from a terrible fate."

"Susan…."

"Jesse, this was the first emergency section I was part of." She said, pleadingly. "I just want to say hello."

Jesse sighed. He had been planning on going anyway. And he had the feeling no one on Earth could turn down such a sweet expression. He cast a last, longing look at his dinner and allowed himself to be pulled away.

*******

Steve considered finding Jesse, but his brief glance into the cafeteria showed him that his lover was either still working or avoiding him. And he really didn't think it was the latter. When he had woken alone, Steve had initially been angry, but he knew this was Jesse and the doctor wasn't given to cruel or thoughtless acts. 

Steve found his father and Amanda sitting at the table in the doctor's lounge, going through the copies of the Dawson files. He got himself a coffee and sat down.

Mark tapped the file in front of him and peered at his son over his glasses. "I was just reading the psychological profile of the rapist."

Steve put his cup down, interested in his father's professional opinion. "What do you think?"

"From what we know of the victims similarities, it's certainly possible that he's acting out either a fantasy or a actual event involving someone fitting their description."

"Or he could just be obsessive/compulsive with the M/O." Amanda added. "Staying almost religiously to a successful formula." 

Mark nodded. "I agree with Amanda, there's too many 'ifs' in the profile."

"Well its got Newman convinced." Steve told them. "He's put Gates undercover at Dawson's but to be honest, I don't think this guy will bite."

Amanda frowned. "Why not? Dee Gates is gorgeous."

Steve frowned over something that was essentially a gut instinct. "Her hair's not long enough." 

At that moment, Amanda's pager went off and she got up. "I'll see you later." She said.

Steve waited until she was gone before putting down his coffee cup and sitting forward.

"Dad, have you seen Jesse today?" He asked.

"A few times, why?"

"Did he say anything to you?"

Mark took off his glasses. "About the case?"

"About moving in."

His father looked surprised at the question.

"I asked him last night and…well, he got angry that I didn't discuss it with him first."

"He seemed fine earlier." Mark told him. "Steve, I expect it came as a shock. This is still very new to Jesse."

"It's new to me too, Dad."

Mark smiled at the admission and lay a hand on his son's shoulder as he stood. "Just give him some time to think it over." He said. "I know he'll make the right decision. He loves you."

Stave watched his father return to his work then finished his now-cold coffee. 

Leaving the doctor's lounge he saw the familiar spiky, honey blond head of his lover at the far end of the corridor. His back was to Steve and the detective could see he was talking to a nurse. It was Susan. And she was laughing.

Jesse was making her laugh.

Steve felt a peculiar shiver run through him, not quite jealousy and not quite anger. He forced the feeling aside and walked away.

*******

Jesse parked his car quite a distance from the Sloan's house. He took off his shoes and tossed them onto the back seat before locking the car. He began walking bare foot across the sand to the gently lapping tide.

The sun was going down, hanging like an orange disk just above the watery horizon. The sea was cool, surrounding his tired feet. Jesse shivered at the sensation and began wandering along the surf. His tracks were immediately snatched away by the waves, as if he'd never walked this path.

The future, just like the ocean, lay before him. 

And now he knew the future was with Steve…

******

Steve stood out on the decking, watching the sun set. This empty breed of loneliness threatened to overwhelm him, but he'd known it most of his adult life. He had thought, with Jesse in his world, he would never feel it again.

His heart gave a leap when he saw a small slim figure walking at the sea's edge, cast into silhouette by the sun, and knew it was Jesse.

******

The sun touched the sea; it's bottom starting to disappear into the vast water. Someone had once told Jesse that if he listened hard enough, he would hear the sea hiss when the hot sun touched it.

Jesse closed his eyes and listened.

But the only sounds were the calls of the sea birds and the far away laughter of children.

And breathing…

He turned. Steve was behind him, hair blowing in the breeze. Such a beautiful man…

"I'm sorry." His lover said. "You were right. I should have waited and talked it over with you first."

Jesse looked down.

"I just wanted it so badly."

The younger man took a breath. "I do want us to be together." He murmured.

"But?"

"No buts…" Jesse assured him, but strangely, not believing himself despite the conviction in his voice. "Steve, what if we lived together, just not at one house? You keep some of your stuff at mine; I keep stuff at your place. We have keys to both and we just treat everything like home. And we always spend nights together." He looked up at his lover. "It won't be forever. Just for now. Is that OK?"

Steve kissed him. "That's more than OK."

Jesse pulled his lover onto the sand as the sun finally sank below the horizon and the darkness settled around them.

~~To be continued in "Steve's Sacrifice 3"~~


	3. Three - Fractures

Disclaimer: I don't own Steve, Jesse or any of the characters/concepts of 'Diagnosis Murder' but if I did the guys would have lots more to do. And with each other.

Title: Fractures

Series: Third in the "Steve's Sacrifice" arc.

Pairing: Steve/Jesse, established relationship.

Rating: R (Explicit homosexual content)

Summary: Steve's forty-sixth birthday approaches, but Jesse is distracted by his father's visit.

Notes: This story takes place about three weeks after the events of 'Meeting' and 'Question.' Steve's age is based on his being 18 in 1970 (as a draftee in Vietnam)

****

Steve's Sacrifice III

Fractures

By NorthernStar

****

Thursday, 06:03

The rest of California was just waking up when Jesse returned from a ten-hour shift to his empty apartment. He guessed Steve had left for work already: if he had stayed over at Jesse's at all that night. 

Over the last few weeks, the whole idea of 'moving in together' had become a moot point. They hadn't spent a night together in a week and Jesse felt uncomfortable with the idea of going to the beach house while Steve was gone, even if that meant they could snatch a few seconds together as one went out the door and the other in.

Being there, alone, with Mark, talking, maybe watching TV until he went to bed… 

In _Steve's_ bed and not the guest room…

He just couldn't do it.

The phone rang just as he was brushing his teeth. His father's voice greeted him from the other end of the line and he found himself smiling. Their relationship had changed a couple of months back, when Dane had finally confessed to being a spy during all those long years of separation. 

It didn't make it right. It didn't…_couldn't_ make the years up. 

But it did make it…better.

Since then the atmosphere between father and son had been strained and awkward, but ironically, it was probably the best it had been in years.

"How is everything?" Dane asked.

Jesse thought about unsettled tilt to his life at the moment, both with Steve and his father, but his voice came out cheerful. "Great. How is Westwood?"

"Not bad."

"Good…that's…really good."

Silence. Why was this so hard?

"Actually Jesse, I was thinking of coming up this weekend…if that's OK with you?"

"Um…" _This weekend_…. He thought of Steve's birthday on the Sunday. Jesse had planned for them to do something together, even if it was just surfing, but his lover had said he hadn't wanted any fuss made. Having just celebrated his twenty-ninth, he could certainly understand Steve's reluctance. Birthday's weren't so celebratory once you got past your first quarter century.

"It's not important." Dane said when the pause it the conversation became glaringly obvious. "It can wait."

"No." Jesse said hurriedly, "no, that's…that'll be great."

"I'll see you then."

"Yeah…bye."

"Goodbye, son."

Jesse put down the phone, with his father's final word ringing in his ears. 

__

Son….

****

Steve glanced at the phone on his way out the beach house. He guessed Jesse had decided to return to his own bed instead of coming home to him. Not that he would have had time to do any more than kiss his lover hello and goodbye as he passed him on the way out the door, but at least he'd see Jesse.

Now, unless Steve was called to the hospital, they wouldn't meet until tomorrow. 

As if in answer to his thoughts, the phone began to ring.

Smiling, expecting Jesse's voice, he picked up the receiver. "Hello?"

"Steve! How are you?"

The smile grew wider. "Daniel?" 

"Well, its good to know you haven't forgotten me." The wiry voice on the other end came back at him. "I haven't heard from you in months. What happened? You forget how to use a phone?"

"I'm sorry, Daniel, I've been busy."

"Yeah, your dad told me. Jesse isn't it?"

"Yeah."

"Can't wait to meet him. Mark positively sings his praises and if I'm not mistaken that's a hell of a lot pride in your voice."

"I only said, yeah."

"It's the way you say it Stevie." He laughed. "Listen, Kiera and I are in LA Saturday. How about we take you both out to dinner to celebrate your coming of age."

"I stopped celebrating birthdays years ago." Steve said, "but that sounds great."

"Good, see you Saturday."

"Yeah." 

Hanging up, Steve suddenly felt a lot more positive. What he and Jesse needed was a night out, together, as a couple rather than with the appearance of friends. And with Daniel, one of Steve's oldest army friends, and a former lover, they could relax and be themselves.

It would be perfect.

****

Thursday, 22:55

Steve finished up earlier than he'd expected. Bayder had assigned large portion of the Dawson investigation to Tully and Sykes, leaving Steve free. He suspected that Dylan was starting to become annoyed at Steve's constant poking about in what wasn't his case.

Steve returned to Jesse's apartment with take-out to find the young man laid out on the sofa, aimlessly channel hopping. He gave a big smile when he saw Steve.

"Hey."

Steve suspected that most of the joy on Jesse's face was inspired by the food. It was confirmed a moment later when the doctor robbed him of a carton and a pair of chopsticks and began digging in. How he managed to stay so slim with the amount of food he put away every day, Steve didn't know.

The detective watched him eat for a while before yawning and resting his head against Jesse's shoulder.

"Hard day?" Jesse asked, between bites.

"Getting too old for this," Steve joked, and found a bitter taste in his mouth at the words. He really was getting old.

Jesse's impossibly youthful face smiled back at him, gave him a soy sauce flavoured kiss. Steve was getting thoroughly involved when Jesse pulled back.

"My dad's coming this weekend." He said, and looked down. "But I can cancel. I mean, I know it's your birthday and-"

"It's fine." Steve said, smiling at Jesse's familiar avoidance when it came to his dad.

"But…"

"He's your father, Jess. I want to get to know him." He smiled, "I'm sure he'll want to meet me, make sure I'm treating you right."

Jesse looked away, and the fingers holding the chopsticks tightened until the knuckles whitened.

Steve regarded his suddenly quiet lover. "You have told him about us?"

"I…I didn't…with everything that happened, I didn't have the chance. And we'd only just met up again. I couldn't."

"But you're going too?"

A faint flush of colour heightened Jesse's cheeks. "It's none of his business."

"He's your father."

The young man put down his meal and got up, creating distance from both his lover and the topic of conversation.

Steve frowned. "He's got a right to know."

"No, he hasn't'!" Jesse said with conviction. "He hasn't been around for the last twenty years, he gave up that right when he left."

"Jesse…"

"Steve, I need to get to know him first. I want _him_ to get to know _me_."

"Jess, this…_us_…is a part of you he has to get to know."

He began clearing away the takeout cartons, avoiding Steve's gaze.

"Jess…"

"No. I don't want to talk about this."

Steve followed him into the kitchen. "I think we need to. I know you don't want to come out yet, but with family…"

"No."

"Just consider it."

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because I've only just got him back. I don't want to lose him again."

Steve looked shocked, but he couldn't rush to contradict him. It was, after all, a very real possibility.

"How do I know he won't hate me for this?"

"Look, Jess, I know you two haven't had the best of relationships but from what I've seen he does love you. Very much so."

"He's not like your dad."

"You don't know that. You said yourself, you don't know him and unless you give him a chance you never will."

Longing filled Jesse's eyes. "I don't want him to hate me."

Steve kissed him, "he won't." He told him. "And if he did, do you really want that sort of person in your life?"

Jesse looked down, but not before Steve caught a glimpse of the turmoil on Jesse's face. It spoke volumes for just how much disapproval and disgust he was willing to endure just to have his father in his life.

Steve sighed, "Jess, it's hard work lying to people."

"I know." He looked frankly at his lover. "I've…I've only just got the chance to be a son again. I want it to last. I want…I want to build foundations first."

Steve didn't say what instantly came to mind. That lies made for lousy foundations and this wasn't the way to build anything.

He opened his mouth to say more but Jesse pager beeped. Sighing, the young man checked it and looked regretfully at Steve.

"I have to go."

Steve kissed him and suddenly remembered he had news to. "Jess?"

He turned in the doorway.

"Some friends of mine are in LA on Saturday. We've been invited out. Do you want me to cancel?"

Jesse thought a moment, then shook his head. "No, that's OK."

Steve was gone when he returned five hours later.

*****

****

Friday, 12:43

The baby was tucked under a small mound of blankets, so that only his tiny pink face peeked out. Jesse smiled when two tiny, bleary eyes opened to stare unfocused back at him. His own troubles melted in comparison to the fresh new life before him.

He touched the babies' hand, studying each and every tiny nail. If there was an answer to existence, this tiny child encapsulated it.

Someone tapped his shoulder. The young man turned, knowing whom it was even before he laid eyes on Susan's lovely face.

"Ellen just told me!" She said, almost bouncing with excitement. "You must be so pleased."

Jesse smiled at her enthusiasm. Ellen Thomson's decision to name the baby he had delivered not an hour after his mother's car accident after Jesse was a wonderful gesture. And one he appreciated more than words could express. 

But it was also an honour he'd been offered before and in the case of CJ, by people who mattered a great deal more to him. This was nice, but not overwhelming.

Susan's smile widened, almost proudly.

He found himself matching her grin, feeling pleasure in her joy. "I am."

Her eyes shone and he found himself watching the light catch on the moist irises, unaware of her staring back at him.

The door opened loudly. Jesse blinked, surprised and looked around to see an orderly enter the room, pushing the baby's mother in a wheelchair.

"Doctor Travis." Ellen Thomason said, "how's my boy?"

Jesse smiled, "waiting to go home."

"He's adorable," Susan told her. 

The woman flushed with maternal pride. "Would you like to hold him before we leave?"

Susan didn't need asking twice. She scooped the tiny bundle up and cradled him against her breast. Jesse forced himself not to roll his eyes. Women were just incorrigible when they got around babies. He conveniently forgot his own enchantment mere minutes ago.

The nurse smiled at him. "You should say goodbye too." She told him and prompted deposited the infant into Jesse's arms.

He quickly lost his annoyance when the baby stretched and wiggled. Odd feeling, odd smell too, but strangely pleasant. 

"You're a natural." Ellen said.

Jesse felt a rush of pride at that statement.

"Do you have children?"

His throat inexplicably tightened, just a little. "No."

Jesse pager sounded. He smiled at Ellen regretfully and placed the baby in her arms. He looked at the screen, lost the smile. "I'm sorry. Please excuse me."

"Of course." She held out her hand. "Thank you."

Jesse smiled. "Thank you." He rubbed the baby's cheek with the back of one finger. "Be good for your mom, Jesse Junior."

*****

"Susan!"

The young woman bit her lip and turned. Alicia Bandera, the senior nurse in the ER, strode over to her and stopped in front of her, invading her personal space as if such a thing didn't exist. That she was a good five inches taller than Susan didn't help at all.

"A lunch hour is very simple." She snapped condescendingly. "It is an hour in which you have your lunch."

Susan knew she'd stayed to long in the nursery, but the sight of Jesse and little Jesse had been so distracting. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean-"

"You are aware you have a responsibility?" Alicia glared. "It is your patients and your colleagues you are letting down. Someone had to cover you while you were gone and they couldn't have their lunch until you returned."

Susan swallowed. It was true, of course, and she was disappointed by her unprofessional behaviour, but it hadn't been intentional.

"I'm sorry."

"Your still on a probation period. If it happens again…"

"It won't."

"Make sure it doesn't."

Susan hurried off, almost jumping when one of the other nurses came up beside her. 

"Just ignore her." Lizzy Bateman told her. "She's a bitch."

****

****

Saturday, 09:13

Jesse checked his watch again and tidied the books on the coffee table for the tenth time in as many minutes. Then he hurried to the mirror to make sure the activity hadn't disrupted his hair. He straightened his collar of the loose linen shirt he was wearing; one of Steve's favourites, he noticed afterwards. 

He had asked Steve to leave early so he could see his dad in private, hating the flash of disappointment he saw appear on the detective's face. He wished he hadn't. He could have used a hug right about now.

The doorbell sounded and his heart began to race.

Jesse opened the door…to Susan.

"Susan!"

"Did you get one too?" She demanded.

He let her in. "One what?"

"You haven't checked your mail yet, have you?"

It had been the last thing on his mind. "No."

"Well, check it! Check it!" She said, almost bouncing up and down with excitement.

"Susan, I'm kind of busy so…"

"Oh…" She almost seemed to deflate. "I'm sorry, I guess I shoulda called first." She said, "I was just so excited…"

Jesse smiled. "I noticed."

She blushed, turning a captivating shade of red that complimented the green flecks in her eyes.

Someone cleared their throat, loudly.

They both turned to see a thin man in the doorway.

"Dad!" Jesse said, coming over but stopping short and offering his hand to shake instead.

Dane took it warmly and held out a small wad of envelopes. "I saw your mail box and…"

Susan and Jesse shared a look, and laughed.

"Thanks." Jesse took the envelopes and shifted through them. Bill, bill, credit card junk, a letter from Michigan, probably from Jen, and a small blue envelope with unfamiliar looping hand.

Susan gave an '_eek'_ of excitement when she saw it. "Open it!" She cried, pointing.

Dane smiled. "Always do what a lady asks you too."

Bemused, Jesse opened the letter and took out a pretty blue card. It was an invitation to the baptism of '_Jesse Jacob Andre Thomason'_ a couple of weeks from now.

Susan pulled an identical card from her pocket. "Can you believe it?" She asked and flung her arms around Jesse. "It's so…"

Jesse hugged her back. "Yeah, I know…"

Dane watched the two of them in amusement and when they finally finished the ecstatic hugging, he held out a hand to Susan.

"I'm Jesse's father." 

"Susan."

"Susan works at Community General. She's a nurse." Jesse added, guessing his father was putting two and two together and coming up with a potentially embarrassing five.

"And I'd better get back there." She said, flushing. "It was nice to meet you, Mr Travis."

"Dane."

"Dane." She said and all but bolted out the door.

"Son, she's absolutely gorgeous."

"She's just a friend."

"That's what I said about your mother."

Jesse felt a flush of anger. "And look how that turned out."

Dane looked regretful. "Jesse…"

But the young man turned and went into the little kitchen area. "Tea or coffee?" He called back.

"Tea." His father replied. "I don't drink coffee."

Jesse took the cups from the cupboard, feeling empty. He hadn't known that.

It was going to be a long weekend…

*******

Jesse took his father out to the coast, needing to do some sort of activity so they would have something to talk about. Dane seemed happy to discuss about Jesse's work, both as a doctor and his unofficial role with the police department. 

Dane didn't talk about himself all that much and Jesse didn't push it. He had no idea what to ask anyway. 

Steve called him on his cel phone just after lunch and told him to be ready for their dinner date around seven that evening. His lover sounded strained and very tired. Jesse apologised for the change in plans this weekend, hoping Steve heard the regret in his voice. 

He knew his father was listening and tried not to feel ashamed.

*******

****

Saturday, 19:36

Steve resisted the temptation to squeeze Jesse's hand as the entered the restaurant. The young man had been quiet since Steve picked him up, and he appeared paler the closer Steve drove the rendezvous. 

He understood Jesse's nerves; Daniel was, after all, one of the first men Steve had ever loved, and one he held in the highest regard. They had known each other in the army for years before they became involved. Daniel had married some time after they broke up, but that had not lasted, while his friendship with Steve had survived all the turmoil.

Steve saw Daniel straight away; noting more grey at his temples than before, but the strong, nobility in the line of his jaw was as ageless as ever. At his side was a woman with strawberry blonde hair and delicate features, who looked far too old to be who he suspected it was, Daniel's step-daughter Keira.

He remembered when the little girl had pigtails and braces. He really was getting old.

Daniel stood up when they approached, clapping Steve on the shoulder. "Steve!"

"This is Jesse." Steve said, "Jess, this is Daniel and I'm pretty sure this is Keira, but…a very grown up Keira."

The young woman blushed, taking Jesse's hand and smiling. Steve hid his own smile at the predatory gleam in the girl's eyes. His lover was probably unaware just how gorgeous he looked in his best suit.

They sat down to eat, discussing Daniel's work for the army, Keira's college courses, Steve's memories of his time in Vietnam and Mark's latest escapades.

Afterwards, Jesse took Keira out onto the dance floor, in a thinly veiled attempt to give Steve time alone with his friend.

"He's gorgeous!" Daniel said, the moment Jesse was out of earshot.

Steve smiled. "I had noticed."

"And what is he? 25?" He sighed, "young blood, there's nothing like it…so much…stamina…" His laugh boarded on lewd.

"Jesse's 29." It sounded young even to his ears.

Daniel leered. "You lucky bastard."

Something in his voice irritated Steve. "I love Jesse." He said.

His friend frowned and Steve realised he sounded to sharp, too testy. 

"It's not like that." He explained. "Jesse's the best thing that's happened to me in a long time."

Daniel touched his arm. "I know. I approve. Jesse's obviously a very fine young man." There was a slight emphasis on the 'young' that grated on Steve's nerves. "My Keira's very taken."

"So is Jesse."

Daniel laughed. "Well here's to you both." He said, raising his glass. 

Steve smiled, relaxing despite the churning in his gut. He clinked his glass to Daniel's, his eyes almost unconsciously seeking his lover in the crowds. 

Across the room, Jesse dipped the laughing young woman and spun around dramatically as the music crested to its finale. 

The breathless pair then returned to the table to drink and rest. Jesse excused himself to use the facilities while Steve went to check his messages. When he returned to the table, he approached his friends from behind. As he came closer he could hear Keira and her stepfather talking and laughing.

"Jesse's a babe." The young woman said and Steve smiled, thoroughly agreeing with her.

Daniel laughed. "Steve always did have good taste in men."

She grimaced. "OK, that's _way_ too much information, Pop." She took a sip from her glass and frowned. "Anyway, I think its disgusting. Jesse's what? A little older than me?"

"A _lot_ older than you."

"Yeah, maybe but…_ewwww_…. Steve's _old_! He could be Jesse's dad." She leant forward. "Mom would freak if I went out with a guy that old."

Daniel chuckled. "Don't even think about it, young lady."

"Relax, dad, there's old and there's old. Besides, I can do better." She leaned in and looked pleadingly at him. "Just promise me your mid-life crisis will be outta the cradle."

Steve turned away, unable to hear any more. He felt sick. Was that what people thought about him and Jesse?

The music thundered in his ears, young and new and fresh.

So very much like Jesse.

Steve suddenly felt very old and very alone.

*******

****

Sunday, 01:52

Steve was quiet all the way back to Jesse's apartment. The doctor guessed it was the lateness of the hour and probably the stirred memories of the War, which Daniel had insisted on discussing dispite the ugliness of the details.

Jesse had tried to get Steve to talk about it, but received only 'yeah's and 'no's in response and he had to admit defeat.

He began to dread saying goodbye. He wanted to take Steve to bed and show him that they were in this together. That this was now and that was then.

That they were both alive and staying that way.

But the words '_stay with me'_ stuck in his throat when Steve kissed him goodnight. He didn't want his father to know…not yet. And taking the older man into his home, and into his bed, was a sure way of telling him.

Jesse watched the truck drive off and cursed his father for once again ruining something for him.

Dane Travis was asleep on the sofa when Jesse went in. He stared down at the sleeping man, at his father, and felt precisely nothing.

Pushing the jumble of thoughts away, he made himself a quick cup of cocoa before collapsing into bed. He dreamed of his tiny namesake, rocking the baby to sleep while his father and Mark played snap on the table. Susan was at his side, singing a lullaby.

He woke up when Mark lost all his cards.

****

Steve got into the empty bed and tried not to remember Keira's words, or her laugher, or Daniel's insinuations. Dismissing the girl as young and stupid and his old lover as a jealous man.

But as the night wore on it grew harder to push the feelings away.

Young…

What did he have to offer Jesse…?

******

****

Sunday, 03:57

Steve awoke to the sound of a ringing phone. He glanced at the clock, saw it was only about an hour after he'd fallen asleep.

Grabbing the phone he said tersely, "Sloan."

"Steve," came Bayder's voice. "Better get down here. We just arrested a guy who grabbed Gates outside the Dawson."

He sat bolt upright in bed. "I'll be right there."

"Yeah…Oh, and happy birthday."

Steve grimaced and slammed the receiver back down. His muscles protested as he pulled himself out of bed.

He was getting too old for this…

******

****

Sunday, 04:34

Dee Gates sat on the edge of a medical exam table while one of Community General's bleary-eyed staff stitched a wound in her shoulder. She gave Steve a dizzy smile when he came in the room.

"Hey, Steve. Happy Birthday."

"Thanks." He said sarcastically.

"Gotcha out of bed, huh?"

Steve ignored the comment. "How's the head?"

"Slow and constant torture." She winced, "but we got him."

"No, we didn't." Bayder stalked in with long strides, rattling the door behind him. "You didn't get a look at him, did you, Dee?"

"Funny that. I was too busy bleeding on the floor and being unconscious."

"Yeah, well you just got half of the LAPD out of their beds over a domestic. We arrested Peter."

Dee Gates groaned, "oh God…"

"Seems he thinks you've been banging the guy next door. He's down the precinct now, entertaining us with stories of-"

"You wanna live, Dylan, you don't finish that sentence."

"You want him charged?"

She bit her lip. On the one hand, she knew she ought to. On the other, she wanted her husband out of custody and away from the scuttlebutt's. 

"Well, sleep on it." Steve told her. "Night in the cells might do Peter some good."

******

****

Sunday, 07:03

Jesse awoke to the smell of fresh coffee and lightly toasted bread. He lay listening to the movements in the kitchen, smiling, before he was awake enough to remember that Steve was gone.

Because of Dane…

He got out of bed and walked in the kitchen area. His father had his back to him as he cooked at the stove. By the smell, he guessed it was omelette.

His father turned, ready to yell. "Jess! Oh, good, you're up." Dane said, putting two plates on the table. "Sit down."

Jesse did as he was asked, picking up a fork. This wasn't how Steve's birthday was supposed to go.

Dane looked at him. "Not hungry?"

"I'm…I don't usually have breakfast until I get to St-Mark's." He flushed at his mistake. Covered it by shovelling some egg into his mouth. 

Cooking, it seemed, was just like everything else about his father. Mark was better at it.

"Are you going over there today?"

"yeah, its…ah, its' Steve's birthday so I sort of have too. To drop a card off."

"I'll come with you."

"That's OK. I'll meet you at Del Flora's for lunch."

"It will give me a chance to catch up with Mark."

Jesse swallowed a burnt piece of omelette and sighed.

******

Steve stared at his reflection in the shaving mirror and thought about Daniel. He still cared for his first lover, still respected his opinion. But he hated what he'd said.

They had both aged these last few years, even though time had been kind to them.

And Keira…

Keira was a grown woman with her whole life ahead of her.

Just like Jesse.

He was forty-six years old and what had he to show for it? A house which he didn't live in, a career… material things…

And he had Jesse…His mind threw up an image of Jesse, forty-six and still beautiful, and of himself at Jesse's side, sixty-four and a greying, balding joke.

__

I think its disgusting…Keira's voice taunted him_…ewwww…. Steve's old! He could be Jesse's dad… mid-life crisis…_

The razor cut deep and a line of red trickled down his cheek. 

******

****

Sunday, 11:13

Steve and Jesse looked at each other across the living room while Mark and Dane shook hands and exchanged greetings. Jesse held out a card, which Steve took and opened. 

He smiled, thanked him.

Mark frowned. "you know, Dane, I don't think I showed you the ocean the last time you were here."

"No, I…"

Mark opened the back door. "It's this way."

As soon as they were alone, Steve closed the gap between them, kissing Jesse fiercely on the mouth. 

"Happy Birthday," Jesse breathed.

Steve smiled. "It is now."

The young man took a small present out of his pocket and handed it over. Steve gave him a quick kiss of thanks and opened it. Inside was a beautiful platinum watch with an antiqued leather strap.

"Jesse, it's lovely."

The doctor glowed with pride, turning to a flush when Steve turned the watch over to read the inscription Jesse had had inscribed there. 'My Love Eternally.'

Steve pulled him into his arms, kissed him slowly and deeply, pulling back only to whisper, "make love with me, Jesse."

The young man tensed in his arms. "I can't…my dad…"

"We have time." He said, and began coaxing Jesse backward towards his bedroom. Once they were down there, Steve stripped Jesse and himself quickly and efficiently. His cock ached already. 

He _needed_ this…

Steve tugged open the bedside drawer and took out the lubricant and a condom. He slicked his fingers, slipped the protection on his cock and spread on more lubricant. Then he lay Jesse back on the bed and kissed every inch of him. Fiercely…Wildly…

"Steve…" Jesse gasped, "slow down…"

Steve covered his mouth with his own, "shh…" And pressed his finger into Jesse's hot, tight channel. Another joined the first, stretching the opening. 

After a few moments, he aligned his cock and pushed up into his lover, knowing he was probably hurting Jesse and somehow not exactly caring.

He needed to claim him.

He needed to push away everything Keira and Daniel had said.

Steve thrust into Jesse with long, deep strokes, pressing the younger man into the mattress.

"Say my name." He whispered to Jesse.

"Steve…"

"Say it again."

"Steve…"

He came heavily, gasping Jesse's name as he collapsed down. Then he rolled to Jesse's side, removing the condom with a sigh and pulled the young man into his side. The hard jut of his lover's half-hard erection surprised him.

"Jesse?" 

The young man smiled reassuringly and kissed Steve.

__

Slow down… The words echoed in Steve's mind. "Oh god, Jesse, I-"

Jesse silenced him with a kiss. "Happy birthday." He said, but his smile was faint.

"But I…I…"

"It's OK." He murmured and took Steve's hand. He led it to his groin, met Steve's eyes with his own.

Steve stroked his hair, drowning in the blue of his lover's irises, loving the young man and hating himself. He closed his fingers around the semi-hard cock and toyed with it. It jumped in response and Steve set a fast rhythm, pulling almost fiercely on the foreskin, wanting to see his beautiful lover writhe at the hard pace. He covered Jesse's mouth with his own, muffling his lover's wild, gasping cries, until the young man bit down on his lip and came.

The taste of Jesse's blood flooded his mouth as the warmth of Jesse's seed pumped onto his hand.

***** 

Jesse was aware that the room stank of sex, and probably their bodies too. His anus felt sore and hoped he hadn't torn. Gently disentangling his limbs from Steve's, he got out of bed. The detective watched him, obviously wanting to say something and not knowing what.

"I'm sorry…about-"

"It's fine." He told him, but his voice sounded hollow even to himself. "I'm going to have a shower." Jesse said. "Try and get Mark to slow up my dad."

Steve tried to smile, wanting to talk more, but he simply nodded.

Jesse turned to go into the bathroom and Steve spoke again. "Thank you." He murmured, touching the watch he was now wearing. Light glittered along the gold surface. "It's perfect."

Jesse kissed him and he left.

Alone now, Jesse wandered into the bathroom, deciding to risk a quick shower even though he didn't have time. He didn't want to face his father with Steve's scent all over him. Dane was far from stupid and this was a conversation he wasn't prepared to have just yet.

If there was any other reason, he didn't allow himself to think it.

******

The two fathers stood at the ocean's edge, united by their sons and by their love of their sons, even if one was unaware of the depth of the connection there.

"I wanted to ask you." Dane said, looking out to where the sea met the sky. "How is Jesse?"

Mark frowned, cautious. "Is something wrong?"

"I don't know." The man sighed, "he doesn't talk to me."

Mark kept silent.

"I've learned my son is open and honest with people. But not with me. It we talk, it's about the weather or work."

"You and Jesse have a lot of catching up to do. Work and weather sounds like a good place to start."

Dane nodded. "I know. I get impatient sometimes. You would think, doing what I do, that I would have learned patience."

"Jesse wants to have a relationship with you. But it takes time."

"Time is a luxury when you get to our age, Mark."

Mark looked at him, not liking the edge in Dane's voice. "Jesse's a good man, Dane. He's worth the effort."

A thin figure trekking across the sand towards them, caught Dane's eye and they fell silent. Jesse joined them a moment later and the conversation turned to surfing.

******

****

Sunday, 17:13

Steve watched Jesse talking with his father and Mark, the ease of his smile, the way the evening sun caught on the blonde lights in his hair.

He could look at his lover all day.

Except…

A brief flash of discomfort showed on Jesse's face when he'd sat down at the table. The young man immediately schooled his expression, but Steve could tell he was sitting a little too stiffly for normal.

He was very probably hurting.

Steve felt a well of thick guilt press on his chest. He had never needed to make love to Jesse, to anyone, quite so furiously as he had earlier.

He had never wanted to stake his claim on another quite so desperately.

But he had, and it frightened him.

It had probably frightened Jesse too, before the boundless trust he had in Steve had reasserted itself.

Daniel's lewd laughter echoed in his mind.

******

****

Sunday, 18:06

Dinner at Del Flora's restaurant was hampered by bad associations and Jesse's concern for Steve. He didn't know what was eating at his lover but he had been quiet since they'd made love.

No, since the night before. He wished he could be there now, talking it out. But instead he'd chose to be here, with a man he barely knew and wanted so desperately to love him with the same depth he saw Mark love Steve.

Dane was polite and reserved throughout lunch, which served only to bother Jesse more. He was afraid his father could see an invisible sign over his head that said 'I had sex with Steve.' 

"I'm surprised you didn't invite Susan." Dane said eventually. "I would have liked the chance to get to know her."

Jesse frowned. "Susan?"

"Aren't you two…?"

"I told you, she's a friend."

"Oh…"

The young man saw his father's disappointment. "I…I am seeing someone."

Dane looked surprised.

"But…it's complicated…" 

"I don't want to see you lonely, Jesse." His father said quietly. "All those years…I regret many of them…the loneliness, isolation… I don't want that for you." 

Jesse laughed, it was so stupid, it was almost funny. "You think you were the only one lonely? Try being eight years old and waiting for-" he stopped himself, refusing to share his pain with a man who really didn't deserve such trust.

"Jesse, I explained…"

"You explained the 'why' not the 'how.'" He shook his head, "I don't think I'll ever understand the how."

"Jesse…"

"Look, I don't wanna hear it OK? It's my-…its' Steve's birthday and I said I'd be with him. That's where I should be." He began fumbling for his wallet. "It's where I'm going now. I'm sorry, I'll see you back at the apartment."

His father took the bill. "I'll get it." Dane said. 

Jesse got up. "Thanks," he conceded and walked away.

He didn't look back.

******

****

Sunday, 20:45

Steve was by the sea's edge when Jesse stopped at his side. They stood shoulder to shoulder, staring ahead, out at the ocean.

A long time passed, bathed in silence.

Jesse turned, "happy birthday." He said eventually.

And Steve smiled.

******

****

Two weeks later…

The baby squirmed in Jesse's arms as he carried him up to the font. Susan bent over his shoulder to smile at the child, and then she straightened, looked at Jesse. Her head was tilted a little to the side, and a stray lock of blonde hair came free from her Alice band and hung over her brow.

Jesse caught her watching.

She didn't blush.

But Jesse did…

~~END~~

~~ Continued in "Steve's Sacrifice 4: Entrapment" ~~~


End file.
